سامحوني

سأبوح في الكلام غير المباح فأنا لست مسؤولا عن مشاعركم لكن ما يجول في عقلي الباطني خطير ولم أعد احتمل لأني بدأت أكذب عليكم وأقول كلاما كي أتجنب غضبكم ويراعي مشاعركم ..أرجو أن تحترموا رأيي فأنتم من رفعتم شعار لكل رأيه و وجهة نظره..أنا إنسان ولست مسؤولا عن هذه الأفكار فأنا من ? أمام هذا الواحد القهار ...هو يعطيني القوة ويهمس دائما بروحانيته بأن هؤلاء البشر أغبياء فيظنونني كحكامهم ومسؤوليهم وشعرائهم وكتبتهم وعلمائهم وشيوخهم و أبويهم فيستطيعون نفاقي ويقولون كلاما ويخبئون عني كلاما آخر ظنا أن صلاتهم ستنفعهم في احتوائهم لأفكار بعيده عن الإستسلام لخالق هذا الكون. ...


ما ذنبي أنا كي أحمل هذه الأفكار فأنا كباقي الأطفال ولدت كي أعيش براءة الطفولة ألعب بألعابي وأسلي من حولي وأدهش وأفاجيء أقببل وأعانق وأنام وأصحى وأقلق أو ابعث الأمل في جيل جديد كي يحمل الرايه ويقود اللواء فكيف أفعل ذلك وهم يريدوا أن يسمعوا كذبي ونفاقي وحلاوة لساني وضحكتي الصفراء ورقصي على نغمات تجيش جسدي من أجل الإغراء وليس من أجل رسم صورة الوطن الجميل الذي لا تحل مكانه أي صوره وأي علم وأي رمز فلا رمز يبقى يراوح مكانه واستبدلنا خالد إبن الوليد بياسر عرفات ليس إلا أن هنالك منافقين من الكتبه والشعراء والعلماء وقادة بعض التنظيمات وبعض الآباء والأمهات والمتسلقين والعملاء والجواسيس و النصابون والمحتالون وبعض الشيوخ ومفتيي الديار قالوا لنا هذا رمزنا ..فجلست أفكر مريرا وأريد أن أفهم لماذا لا اعتبره رمز! أهل أنا أفضل ممن قالوا عنه رمزا !


نعم لقد اكتشفت الجواب فمن ذاك الذي سبقهم في الجلوس مع من إغتصب ارضهم فقال لأعدائهم أي الصهاينه سأريكم نوعا جديدا من الفلسطيني فليس كل الفلسطنيين وطنيون كما تتصورون وليس كل ما يقال يفعل فأنا قلت فيكم كلاما كثيرا وخضت حروبا جانبيه كي افصل هذه النخبة الوطنيه عن تلك النخبه الخبيثة التي تبحث عن! كما ابحث أنا عن!.. وطن اترأس دولته وليس وطنا أحرره ..نعم قد يغضب بعضكم وقد يهددني وقد يستطيع إيذائي لكني عرفت كيف إستطاع ياسر عرفات أن ينتزع اعترافاتكم بأنكم مثله لا تبحثون عن وطن فأنتم مثله تبحثون عن جاه لا تستحقونه في قانون الحياة ..لأنكم فقدتم إحترام والديكم قبل أي شيء وماتوا وقلوبهم غير راضية عنكم فهم كانوا مثليفنافقوكم حتى قضى الله نحبهم فتعلمت أنا منهم درسا بأن لا أعيد تجربتهم و سأقول للمدعو زاهي وهبه نعم الأم الفلسطينيه وفلسطين لن تنجب ياسر عرفات آخر كما ادعيت بأنه ظاهرة لن تتكرر وأنا أؤكد لك بأن الشعب الفلسطيني لن يحتوي خائنا أخر فحلل وأوجز وفصصل وشرع وأعذر وبرر كما شئت فذاك الميثاق المزيف لا أؤمن به وتلك الدماء التي تتاجرون بها ليست ملكا لكم وتلك الأرواح التي صعدت آمنت بعدالة القضيه ...لا أبو جهاد ولا أبو فلان ولا مروان وغير مروان سيسلبوا لقب فلسطين منا فستبقى فلسطين الأولى والثانيه والأخيرة وقبل وبعد بعد إلى الأبد ..نشكركم من عرفات إلى أبو جهاد إلى مروان إلى عباس على كل ما قدمتموه تحت شرط واحد ! أن لا تفرضوا علي إحترام ارائكم ونزعاتكم وحبكم في الظهور حتى لو كانت على حساب الملايين من الشهداء وأما ذاك الذي غضب مني أو قد يغضب ويقول فما بالك بأبي جهاد ! لقد قلت لكم من البدايه هذه أفكار تراودني ولست مسؤولا عنها لكني مسؤول أن استدل إلى الحقيقه فوجدت بأن أبو جهاد قتل يوم قتل الثور الأبيض ..للحديث بقيه سامحوني
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How Can I Live!!!

Amid this new world order and current economic mess along with illegal, legal, moral, and immoral actions toward our goal to live and survive! How shall I live!

We defiantly need the internal courage; the strong living power under our skin. The power of love and oppose hate based on human existence and moral’s duty.

I no longer can understand what humans seek for their revolutionary actions. I can’t see beyond the goal; meaning I meet people when they say I am alive and would love to stay alive till the day I see my children growing and one of them is a doctor or a lawyer or a scientest or rich, but has anyone ever said anything beyond that!

The consequences of our existence are to earn our goals at the end . And have them planned before it happens. The others say: we had a thought that if I win the lotto; what should I do with the money? Some people may laugh or think it’s a silly concern.Honestly, should we wait for something to happen so we can plan it or should we plan it first then seek it!

What people don’t ever take in consideration that things happen and processed while we are working on other things thinking that nothing is going on but our actions. We most think that only us are thinking in that direction but forgot that the secret power is also thinking and awaiting our actions. Secret power is the same as the soul! We can come up with many different reasons why something happened but at the end it happened. We now face reality and not to ignore faults or mis calculation, because we can’t pass an exam if we don’t take it. Trying is the only way toward acheiving.

Frankly speaking, I have passed everything I planned for and failed for things I wanted to happen. There are priorities in our lives and its well connected with our soul. Whatever I wanted, I have gotten and now I am suffering because of the afterward.

We can be dragged into living our life as current situation applies and nothing wrong with that. Nothing stays the same but we must pay attention to previous or similar incidents happened in the past and happening now also the probabilty to happen tomorrow.

It is not necessary to wait and see our dreams happening but wont never turn us to be failures or looser.

We all have wishes and preferences; however we should differentiate between the terms of what we can do instead of what we shall do. No one will ever give , assist, help or achieve something for us if we don’t work on it by seeking, asking, and struggling.

There is a big difference between saying the truth and being silent rather than just say something. Hand shake means a lot, and chosen vocabularies or forming questions can also lead us to conclusion of what people want from us.

I sometimes suffer a lot because of that since I am able to analyze people’s mind based on their actions and doings.

Does anyone we know, if he/she is a friend want something from us and the answer is absolutely yes. But we can control what information to give and limit it. I can act as a complainer once I hence materialistic help or I can monitor their actions by giving them a small portion that I can live without getting it back.

Life is like the sea and must sail to be introduced to how it works. Must face storms and danger .Also its pricy and might cost you injury or damage. Our process will always have the options of interruption or chaos but must be prepared for that.

We must take chances because the percentage between failing and succeeding is a slight of wind. To be continued ..by ME JALAL

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محمود درويش

لم أعرف أن الحب كله قد ينتهي بلحظة! بسبب موقف لأني تعلمت أن الإنسان في نهاية المطاف موقف فلا يهمني التاريخ لأنه يبدأ من نقطة وينتهي إلى ما آل عليه من ظروف قد تكون قاسيه وقد لا استوعبها في حينها أو قد لا يكون صاحب الشخصيه يجيد فن المواقف وفن الظهور ...في البال أغنية يا أخت عن بلدي ..هكذا عرفته و لذلك أحببته مرورا بريتا التي اعتقدت أنها قصة حقيقيه إلى عصفور الجليل . واللذي جعلني أن لا اكترث بالتدقيق في كل ما شعر! موقفه من صياغة خطاب إعلان ما يسمى بدولة فلسطين التي طالما غنى لها درويش من بحرها إلى نهرها, من جليلها إلى رفح و رأس الناقورة إلى الأغوار ..أفلم يجدوا غير درويش ليخطفوه منا أم لأنهم يعلمون شدة حبنا له فأرادوا أسرنا ...لمت محمود من داخلي وحزنت ثم حقدت ;لم استطيع البكاء عندما مات فلا أدري إن قسوت لكن كما يقولون: بعض الأشخاص تحكمهم العواطف والبعض الآخر يحكمهم العقل ولأن فلسطين فوق الجميع فمعذرة يا محمود درويش ..لقد استطاعوا أن يستغلوا مشاعرك ويوهموك بأنهم أصحاب ألحق وأنهم الثوار الحقيقيون لكنهم تغطوا بنور الشمس واكتشفت أنت لا غيرك من هم خلال مدريد ثم إتفاق أوسلو الهزيل الذي رفضته لكنك لم تنفض يداك منهم ....حمللوك من الجمائل ما حييت حتى يعطفوا عليك بتكاليف علاجك .وهذه الأموال هي أموال شعبك وليست ملك أحد ..كلا لن أقبل خطاب النعي من ما يدعي شرعية مركزه وعضويه لجنة منظمته المركزيه.. أهل هكذا يكرم درويش !كلا وألف كلا ولن أقبل خطاب النعي إلا من درويش فسأنعيك كما لو انني لم أعش لحظة الإنحراف عن الخطوط الحمراء .ولن أنسى تأثير إياد جبر على موقفي فهنيئا لدرويش به! سأنعيك كما ينعي الطفل عصفوره الذي الذي فقده ليستنشق هواء الحرريه .ذهبت مع الريح لكن روحك الوطنيه ستبقى معنا فإن لم يشفع لك شعب فلسطين ستشفع لك فلسطين التي أحببتها وأحبتك ولأن فلسطين قلبها كبير ولا تستطيع أن ترفض من آمن بها حرة عربيه كيف لا وقد لبست ثوبها المطرز بالأبيض والأحمر والأسود والأخضر ...على هذه الأرض ما يستحق الحياة ولك مني بعد هذه اللحظة وعد أن أعود لأسمع في البال أُغنيةٌ يا أُخت، عن بلدي نامي لأكتبها رأيتُ جسمكِ محمولاً على الزردِ وكان يرشح ألواناً فقلتُ لهم: جسمي هناك فسدُّوا ساحة البلدِ

my life story in palestine

Beyond the boundaries of imagination and despite of what he/she thinks, I am who I am and I will speak my mind . I would love it if my dear reader would avoid paying attention to my identity or my religious background. Consider me as a human who is seeking peace, justice and freedom. I will include my identity at the end of this journey with hints and indications once you agree to hear me until I finish.

I was born like any child maybe I can remember few incidents that can bring my memories back to the age three or four but the most I can remember is horror and nothing has been changed since then while now I’m at the age of thirty eight.

I can rarely count how many sweet nights I’ve had without any interruption of soldier’s foot steps on my family’s roof top along with sound bombs or heavy duty flash explosive devices. Usually on a different part of the earth, our sleep get interrupted by sky lightning, hail and thunder storms.

I can understand that the only exception of that are the criminals but what a house of 4 or 6 including elder men, women and children are doing while they are asleep.

Beside that is the road to school; the whole entire scholastic year, we can never guarantee to come home safe and so many classmates never made it home! They got shot because the road to school was claimed as terrorist area and to avoid that we should remain home. I always seek peace, because I was like every child who wants to play with his toys, do some drawings, sing for his land, and read his history. I always wanted to take my bike for a ride but we always had monitoring stations on the roof tops within each alley. By the way I was born in a refugee camp and in the area of 1.5 kilometers , twenty five thousands people live there with lack of sewage system, running water, no electricity along with roof tops made of zinc.

Someone told me that our parents taught us to hate during our childhood; however there is nothing to like about our life. Most of you are familiar of how a child act when he/she is crying for cheer. For example, someone to take them for a walk or provide them with a space to play or sleep time without interruption. How can my parent take me for a walk and the alley is occupied by soldiers who are ready to take action and start shooting.

The natural answer by any mother regardless if she is French. Swedish, or American is nothing but the fact !the question was by her child; why Am I living here? Can’t you take me to a better place? A better place meaning is outside of your homeland. Away from the connectivity of your ancestors and grand parents.

Maybe the culture of America and Europe cant figure out the true meaning of that, because most of us are immigrants who seek religious freedom and ran away from those who turned our homeland into ethnic cleansing.

Why do I have to run away from a land I can at least recall the 10th generation of my family. Am I allowed to take someone’s home at any time and say :hey I think based on a book issued by my government that I must live here but I must kick you out of your house and guess what! I can’t guarantee your safety if you stay around or if you don’t believe me I will inform you about the latest massacre happened to people like you who refused to flee. Wow what a choice for a mother of a father with their children ? I would like to hear your answer because I don’t have a choice if I were in my parent’s shoes.

Basically, our town had 3000 of them and 4000 of us. For example, Chicago , New York or Los Anglos have diversity of different ethnic and religious groups . They all live together and accepted each others under the term I treat you as you treat me and Law is the only action I would take against you. I wont threat your existence .However this never applied on my situation and I will explain to you why toward the end of this journey.

My name is Jalal and I grew up in Balata refugee camp. I was always an honor and top student on my class .I managed to finish school with all this horror but lost 10 classmates during this bloody journey.

During my high school phase, Israel has closed down the schools because someone threw a stone on one of their military car. On 10th grade, we only studied for 2 months and 11th grade 4 months then the final year is 5 months. We would be ready to put our clothes on so we can walk to our school; however the loudspeakers going off calling for curfew and only until the moment we are ready to step outside the house .

I chose to leave the whole country for the sake of long night of sleep without any fear that someone might invade the house and get shot because the soldiers can’t take a chance that might be a civilian sinking in his/her sleep .

The quick reaction by the Israeli diplomats, the Israeli army has opened an investigation but those civilians were sleeping in the area where terrorists might operate! This statement only if the victims are children , women, or elder men but if the victims were youth then the automatic response is terrorist unless proven wrong by an international camera men.

The story continues, Israel still occupying the land, concerns never end and fear will never vanish from their mind.

If Israel is convinced that this land belongs to them that is fine but not to believe in the existence and the rights for the Palestinians to live then the fear will never go.

If you threat then you are a threat so that fear exist. If you seek peace then you have to look for the future and forget the past otherwise how could blacks and whites live together in United States!

At the End, I don’t blame Israel! I blame the world community who refused the South African government who was doing ethnic cleansing and cant force Israel to comply with its resolutions.

Regardless of what single person or few factions do but don’t forget that there are innocent women, men, and children who wants to live and see their children grow.

On this earth we deserve to live and practice our rights without ifs and buts.

Jalal Jaber..Palestinian living in USA